Some people think we are empty nesters now. When, in fact, we are not.
We will not be empty nesters until we are minus approximately four animals. They still selfishly demand to be fed and generally cared for. And Bud’s dog, Berzerker, NEEDS SO MUCH ATTENTION. He is starved, STARVED I tell you, for human interaction. It’s killing him that he’s left alone for some 10 hours every weekday.
This dog has always had a lot of nervous energy. When we brought him home from the pound, he was somewhere around 6 months old. We would keep him closed in our front room when we had to leave. He methodically destroyed every shred of anything in that room, including one entire couch. It was a bad-dog deed of epic proportions.
He’s matured since then. Now, when we are gone, he just paces back and forth across our jacuzzi cover, and watches out the window for us to come home. Often times, he moans and cries. I mean it. He sounds as if he is crying, even sobbing. It’s a bit pathetic if you ask me.
All that to say that SweetGuy and I actually try really hard to give Berzerker attention when we are around. And, if we can get him outside to run off his energy, all the better.
A few weekends ago, we were working on our barn. Shocker, eh?
We brought Berzerker out with us to run and get some fresh air. Over the course of the afternoon, the bizarre animal picked up and ran with every random item we laid on the ground. Check this out:

A grill brush that we were cleverly using to scrape paint. Magoo LOVES it when we use kitchen items as tools. (She still hasn’t forgiven me for using our mixer to stir cement. Silly girl.)

Hey Goof, bring that back right now!

Eh, that’s just a cap. Go ahead and release a little aggression on it, dog.

Hello, that is my broom, thank you very much. And, where is the handle, dude? (Check out the total look of guilt on his face. Yet, apparently he didn’t feel guilty enough to actually leave my stuff alone.)

Oh my GOSH. Bring back that mallet!! Don’t you know, SweetGuy, can NOT accomplish any fine demolition carpentry work without his refined set of tools.
The clepto grabbed various objects and ran with them for the entire day. The dog is eight years old and has never done this before in his life. He is certifiable.
We were close to finishing our task for the day. The barn just needed a little touch up paint, so we banished Berzerker to the house because we did not need him grabbing anything laden with paint. (He soon started wailing. What a wimp.)

Not more than 10 minutes after we got rid of the dog, here is what greeted SweetGuy from the ROOF as he was painting. The cat cried and whined until SweetGuy got her down. Doofus. The cat, not SweetGuy. Hey CAT, you managed to get up there, can’t you get yourself down?
I rest my case. We are not empty nesters. And, I just don’t see these animals scoring high enough on their standardized tests to follow the kids off to college. I think we are stuck with them.
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