SweetGuy has always had a little bit of a temper.

But, that’s OK, because it’s a large part of what makes him who he is.  He is a very feeling person, and I love that about him.

But lately…

Lately, things have changed…

Lately, it’s gone a little too far…

(I think I’m using these >>  …  <<  too much, so I’ll stop.)

Lately, his anger seems to be transforming him. 

It’s hard for me to explain, so let me just show you:

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Turth be told, it’s kind of embarassing.  Especially when his whole body transforms and he busts out of all his clothes.  It’s definitely time to buy him some stretchy pants is all I’m saying.

Oh, and one more thing, isn’t it a shame SweetGuy the Hulk is near-sighted?  They just don’t make unfortunate victims of nuclear accidents gone wrong transforming pseudo super-hero types like they used to.

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I bet you all are wondering how many posts I can actually squeeze out of the GermanFest.  I’ve got this post here, and then by my calculations there’s at least one more to address the AFTER GermanFest party.  Sort of like the Oscars and their after-parties, but more spectacular.  And glamorous.

I blame my brother.

For everything, really.  But, specifically, I blame him for how this family Polka’s.  He taught us all to Polka in our early 20’s.  But, we referred to FavoriteChild’s style of Polka as Bumper Polka since it involved a little less style and a whole lot more slamming into each other.

It was SO much fun.  And, a little dangerous.  Hence, we now know no other way to Polka.  We have since passed our unique Polka-ing talents onto a second generation.  Poor things.

Here’s what went down at the GermanFest Polka Contest.  In their neutral corners we have AUBS! & Freak, Emmy & Jon, Singing Sally & Bud, and Magoo & Jake B.  SweetGuy and I decided to withdraw from the competition, and give everyone else a fighting chance. 

Frank and Aubs, while they were quite likely the best athletes on the floor, lacked shall we say… an ability to move in the same direction at the same time.  At all.  The word KLUNKY comes to mind.  DOWN FOR THE COUNT.

Notice I have no picture of Emmy & Jon?  That’s because their entire strategy was to run away, in separate directions, from the judges, who tagged couples when they deemed them out of the competition.  Their plan may have backfired as their darting in separate directions about the dance floor, oddly drew a little added attention to themselves.  TAG, YOU’RE OUT.

Bud and Singing Sally were game.  They may have gained a few extra twirls around the dance floor from what I call the “mature” effect.  You see, high school students are the judges.  They are much quicker to tag out one of their own than say someone a year or two (decades) older than them.  But, you can only ride the senior citizen discount for so long.  SEE YA.

Jake B. and Magoo were actually pretty good, by golly:

There’s a reason for this.  Magoo is not actually related to this family.  And, I think I mentioned Jake B. excels at stuff and it’s irritating.  Proof positive:  He like for reals knows how to Polka.  Like without causing injury to his fellow polka-er.  See what I mean?  Irritating.  Soon the dance floor looked like this:

Two couples remained.

At stake?  A gift card AND POLKA CONTEST BRAGGING/SMACK TALKING RIGHTS FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES is all.

And the judge tags out….

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Curses! 

So, so close.

No one in our party won.  No one in our party injured anyone else.  A Lose-Lose situation if I ever saw one.

This might just be my favorite part.

The German students take some sort of famous musical, compress it down to less than 15 minutes in length, and then act the whole thing out in German.

All with no budget for the set, props, or costumes.  Well, not just no budget, but I’d say essentially no interest either in spending time on creating a set, props, or costumes.  Oh, and I don’t think there is a whole lot of rehearsing happening either. 

But, what does it matter if someone blows a line?  We would NEVER know.

You get the picture.

The end result is an unabashedly amusing adaptation.  It’s glorious, really.  Magoo was the star of the show last year, as Gretel in Hansel and Gretel:

Even though they don’t pay for them or make them, the show is NOT without props or costumes.  The high school has a rather large drama closet holding costumes and props from hundreds of past productions.

Of course, the props don’t always fit the production perfectly, but the GermanFest works with what they have.  Here’s one of my very favorite examples from last year of them getting by with what was on hand.  Below you’ll see Her Gracefulness (obscured… but I bet she doesn’t mind) bringing in the moon.  I don’t recall, but I’m thinking she was supposed to get Hansel and Gretel to go to sleep?

Check out the moon.  Yep, that’s ET’s shadow flying across it.  PRICELESS.  You work with what you have.

The GermanFest production of Beauty and the Beast actually lucked out pretty well this year.  The high school performed the full blown Beauty and the Beast musical a few years ago.  (You can read a little about it HERE - Bud was the STUNT BEAST!)  So, some pretty amazing costumes were available for the borrowing.

Even so, this year’s GermanFest production brought us such amazing moments as these:

Belle on a harrowing horseback ride.  (Check out the smile on her face.)

Be Our Guest!!   Da Kaff, third from the left, is rocking the wine bottle.  I must admit I had to be corrected when I thought he was a salt shaker.  The smiles are actually appropriate in this scene.  Except maybe for Gaston, who is not supposed to be in the scene, but is quite clearly evident (and smiling!) standing between the amazing props behind the actors.

Gaston and the villagers rallying to attack the despicable Beast.  (Smiles again.  And such a terrifying picture of the Beast.)

Hold onto your hats for the final, amazing scene put on by the GermanFest acting troupe.  When the high school performed Beauty and the Beast a few years ago our friend Kevin, the director, spent countless hours developing an amazing transformation scene.  As the stunt Beast, Bud killed Gaston, and was mortally wounded himself.  He lay down stricken.  Cue the fog machine and a sobbing Belle, who secretly attaches a hook to a harness under Bud’s costume.  Big guys off stage work the pulleys and Bud ascends amidst fog and strobe lights and the handsome prince appears.  It was an amazing scene.  And, that was for a high school, I can’t imagine how Broadway does it.

And the GermanFest?  How would they act out the transformation?  By doing this:

Yes, yes, that’s it.  Sending in dudes (Grace’s brother again on the left) dressed as fairies and abracadabra, he’s transformed!!  (Check out Belle’s smile… isn’t she supposed to be sobbing?)

Breathtaking.  There are no words.

Up next:  The GermanFest Polka Smackdown

Next up, we have the German Dancers.

And, oh, am I thankful for the German Dancers.  Had it not been for Emmy, who is a German Dancer this year, we would not have had a reasonable excuse to show up to the GermanFest.

People would have just thought we were creepers if we showed up without some sort of vested interest.  Quick, someone in our family, PLEASE adopt a GermanFest performer between now and next year.  We NEED an excuse to go.

Hey, look, it’s Emmy:

Isn’t she cute?  And guess who the German dancer dude next to her is?  It’s her Gracefulness’ little brother!

Can you see their faces?  These kids have a blast doing this and their joy rubs off on the audience.

They dance, and dance, and dance some more.  And, I’ve watched the German Dancers for enough years to know that their performance crescendos into the big finish.  Flips, people. The big finish involves flipping German Dancers:

Check out that action shot.  And, until just this moment, I hadn’t realized how close Emmy (on the right) came to danger.  Does it not look like German Dancer guy is going to totally clip her in the face?

It would have been quite unfortunate to take her to the hospital with a German Dancing injury.  Quite unfortunate indeed.

Next up, Deutsch Beauty and the Beast!  - GermanFest Part C

We had so much, I mean SO MUCH, fun at the GermanFest last year that we were all working ourselves into a frenzy about going to it this year.  Magoo, AUBS!, Bud, and Frank travelled home from school JUST to go to this thing.  It’s like a national holiday for us.

I was a little worried it would disappoint.  Really, think about it, the GermanFest is a little high school dinner and production put on by a single German teacher and his students.  Here is what it essentially consists of:  a few supposed German food items (they don’t seem very authentic to me) placed on high school cafeteria trays, eaten on high school cafeteria tables, while a Polka band belts out the same tune for an hour.  Patrons then retire to the 120 year old bleachers (actually not exaggerating on this one) and wait, and wait, and wait.  The staticy polka music now starts to emanate from the speakers and the German dancers make their appearance.  A bunch of kids in lederhosen then dance for what is always a shockingly long time.

We’re only getting started here.  Next up is a mini version of a famous musical all done in German with cheesy costumes and I suspect about 17 minutes of practice time.

Then, we move onto the Polka contest amongst a bunch of mid-western teens and a few of their parents.

Riveting, right?  The picture I’ve painted.  You want to be there, don’t you?

Oh, my, you SO DO.

Here’s AUBS! boyfriend, the FREAK, as we were eating.  We met him last year at the GermanFest for the first time.  And, we soon learned he has an inability to be mad.  So, last weekend, I asked him to show me his mad face.  Look below, this is seriously what he was able to muster:

I know, frightening, right?  If that’s mad, I’d hate to see… um, I don’t know, furious?

We ate our gourmet meal off plastic divided trays, accompanied by POLKA MUSIC, and headed to the bleachers.

I am telling you, the anticipation was killing us:

And, can I please change the subject and mention that people shouldn’t be allowed to look that fresh without Photoshopping.  That’s Jake B .  He’s a good friend of Magoo’s, but we don’t like him because he’s talented at things, and nice, and all that.  But, he laughs at our jokes, and likes to play multi-player computer games, so he’s allowed back.

Have I set the context properly for you?  The amazingness is only just beginning.

So, you’ll have to come back for GermanFest – Part Dos.

FavoriteChild is delusional.  He went to visit our Mom in Florida last week.  His little smug self was all about sending everyone picture texts documenting his supposed awesomeness.  You judge for yourself:

Favorite:  ”Look, Mom, it’s a cancer institute!  Let’s go inside and see what kind of trouble we can get into!!”

Favorite:  ”Hey, Mom, we can’t pass up such a golden opportunity.  Spare no expense.  This chemo’s on me.”

And, that was that.  FavoriteChild took her to her chemo appointment, and somehow argued that he was the more impressive child for having done so.  More impressive than the playful time the rest of us showed her a little while ago?  Judge for yourself:

So who showed who the best time?

Yeah, I know.  He still wins.  He ALWAYS ALWAYS wins.  If you want proof, just look at the smile on Mom’s face in that second picture up above.  I’m starting to wonder if he slips her happy drugs every time he’s around.  Like since he was about 6 months old.  He is a psychiatrist, you know.

On another note, I have to thank her Gracefulness for continuing to encourage me to write in this blog.  She adorned my Facebook wall with this note today:

Humans can live only about five minutes without oxygen, three days without water, and five weeks without food.

But did you know that a blog reader starts to die after two days without new material?

I had a crazy busy week last week with work, but it was SO worth it.  I have an announcement:   I experienced my own Oprah-esque moment.  I’d like to leave this post as a bit of a cliffhanger, but I’ll tease you with the visual of me ASSISTING THE UNDERSECRETARY OF THE USDA WITH A WIRELESS MICROPHONE.  Take, that, Oprah-boy.  Mom is SO going to want to tell all her friends about this.

Stay tuned.